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Products - All eHandouts

14 Reasons We're Slow to Forgive
41 Fear Conquering Actions
5 Things I Know About Each Family Member
A Married Couple's First Year
Abusers: Are You Being Verbally Abused?
Abusers: Coping With Insulters
Abusers: Responding To Other's Abuse
Abusers: Responding to Verbal Abuse
Adaptation: Adapting to Bumpy Roads
Addiction: Overcome Addiction Proverbs Style
Addiction: Signs of Addiction
Addicton: How We Get Addicted
Adult Children of Difficult Parents
Affliction vs. Infliction
Alliance Building the Wrong Way: Gossip
Anger and Shame
Anger is Controllable
Anger Like an Oil Pressure Gauge
Anger Reduction Steps
Anger Turned Inward
Anger: Responding to Angry People
Ask Conflict Reducing Questions
Assertiveness: Asking for What We Want
Assertiveness: Assertiveness vs. Passivity vs. Aggression
Attachments: Attachment Styles Compared
Attachments: Dismissive Attachment Style
Attachments: Evaluating Early Attachments
Attachments: Fearful Attachment Style
Attachments: How Attached Am I?
Attachments: Preoccupied Attachment Style
Attachments: Secure Attachment Style
Avoid Conflict Provoking Comments
Avoid Making Hasty Accusations
Be Ye Vulnerable (free)
In the '80s and '90s Erik was one of the anonymous contributors to the Christianity Today humor column Eutychus. This piece appeared in Oct. 25, 1993.
Behavior: Healthy and Unhealthy Patterns of Behavior
Behavior: Staying on Track the Proverbs Way
Blame: Overcome Blaming in Marriage
Boundaries: 12 Types of Influential Relationships in Proverbs
Boundaries: Help For Those Who Can't Say No
Boundaries: Responding to Other's Opinion of Us
Can a Couple Survive an Affair?
Causes VS. Contributions to Conflict
Challenging the Pepe le Pew Syndrome
Change: Goal Setting Action Steps
Change: Motivation for Personal Change
Cheerfulness: Tips from Solomon
Children Angry at their Parent's Divorce
Church Declutterer Needed (free)
Short humor piece from Your Church magazine, May/June, 2000.
Climbing up the Ladder of Success
Co Parenting Questionairre
Communication: Ask For And Give Marital Emotional Support
Communication: Decision Making in Marriage
Communication: Six Communication Tasks
Conflict and Desires
Conflict Mediation Proverbs Style
Conflict: Acceptance VS. Complaining in Marriage
Conflict: Boundaries and Equality Grid
Conflict: Evaluate Your Arguments
Conflict: How to Have a Miserable Marriage
Conflict: Marriage Conflict Resolution Grid
Conflict: Overcome Anger in Marriage
Conflict: Overcome Meanness in Marriage
Conflict: Overcome Triangles in Marriage
Conflict: Staying Calm in Marital Conflict
Conflict: Thoughts to Embrace About Marital Conflict
Conflict: What's Wrong with A Good Fight in Marriage?
Confront Conflict Not Family Members
Confronting An Offensive Parent
Confronting Those Who Disappoint
Connecting With The Hard To Connect With
Conquering Anxiety
Conquering Fear Quiz
Control: Closeness VS. Control
Control: When an Uncooperative Man Says You're a Controlling Woman
Control: When an Uncooperative Woman Says You're a Controlling Man
Controllers: Responding to Controllers
Coping With Stress in a Ministry Marriage
Counseling as Soul Care
Creativity. Reverse Brain Storming (free)
One page. Quickie worksheet unleashing new ways to look at problems and getting unstuck. A surprisingly simple yet profound way to get unstuck. Add this to your shopping cart for free. No charge.
Crossing Two Bridges in Biblical Counseling
Cultivate Happiness While Single
Decision Making Processes
Four page .pdf file on how to make group decisions. If indecision stymies one person imagine a whole committee of indecision. Here's an easy and workable solution to breaking through group log jams.
Decisiveness: Decision Making Grid (free)
One page. Simple pro and con worksheet for evaluating decisions. Add to your shopping cart for no extra charge. It's free.
Decisiveness: Making Right Decisions
Defensiveness: Overcome Defensiveness in Marriage
Defensiveness: Overcome Self Justification in Marriage
Defensiveness: Overcome Walled Off Hearts
Dependent on Women?
Depression: Understand Depression
Difficult: Coping With Difficult People
Difficult: Coping With Toxic People
Difficult: Phrases To Use With Difficult People
Difficult: When Offenders Can't Explain Why They Offend
Discernment: Choosing Wise Friends
Divorce: Options to Divorce
Divorce: Predictors of Divorce
Divorce: Stages of Divorce
Drama: Do You Love Drama?
Dropping Our Kierkegaard (free)
In the '80s and '90s Erik was one of the anonymous contributors to the Christianity Today humor column entitled, "Eutychus." This piece appeared in January, 1986.
Drugs: Marijuana and the Bible
Embarrassment: Dealing with Embarrassment
Emotional Comfort Levels (free worksheet)
One page. Here's a tool to help couples identify for themselves and each other their hot buttons, their comfort levels, and how to navigate problem areas.
Emotions: Choosing our Moods
Emotions: Constructive and Destructive
Emotions: Driving Yourself Crazy (free reprint)
Article from Focus on the Family magazine, April 2008
Emotions: Emotional Intelligence
Emotions: How to Control Your Emotions
Emotions: Measuring Our Mood Swings
Emotions: Myths About Emotional Chain Reactions
Emotions: Our Frames Influence our Feelings
End The Pursuing-Distancing Dance
Engagement: Boredom, Calling, and Work
Engagement: Boredom: The Un-merry Go Round
Engagement: Conquering Boredom
Expectations: Lowering Expectations
Express: Do Not Bottle Up Your Emotions
Express: Do Not Stuff Them
Express: Tell The Truth About Your Feelings
Family and the Trinity
Family Expectaions List
Family Interactions
Family Spirituality Six Streams
Family Wish List
Famly Drama
Fear: Some Preliminary Thoughts
Fear: Ways Our Thoughts Go Awry
Finding Fear's Root Causes
Five Attitudes Regarding Conflict
Focus: Baggage in Marriage
Focus: Overcome
Focus: Overcome
Focus: Things I Value, Things I Don't
Focus: Traits of a Healthy Marriage
Focus: What's Your Focus in Marriage?
Focus: Wise Marriage Proverbs Style
Food: Manage Eating Disorders with Ancient Wisdom
For Those Weak in Faith
Forgive and Forget by Lewis Smedes
Forgive Yourself
Forgiveness Worksheet
Forgiveness: Issues and Answers
Forgiving Those Who Don't Admit They're Wrong
Four Causes of Infidelity
Freedom from Fear: Some strategies
From Blame to Understanding
Frustration: Understanding Frustration
Fusion: Anxiety in Marriage
Fusion: Differences in Marriage Not a Bad Thing
Fusion: Differentiation in Marriage
Fusion: Emotional Fusion in Marriage
Fusion: Overcome Emotional Fusion
Fusion: Self Soothing in Marriage, Staying Calm
Goal Setting in Marriage
Goals: Goals vs. Desires
God's Sovereignty and the Problem of Pain
Ground Zero Adultery (free)
Free article from Focus on the Family magazine, July 2007. Add to your shopping cart at no extra charge.
Guilt: False vs. Real
Handling Difficult Feelings in Conflict
Happiness: Three Routes to Happiness
Happiness: Where Is Your Happiness On-Off Switch?
Hate: Good Hate, Bad Hate in Proverbs
Healing from Childhood Trauma
Helping Others Feel Safe
How to be an Effective Mentor (free)
Article from Leadership Journal, Spring 2000.
How to get a 2-year-old to Bed
How to Raise Guilty Kids! (free)
One page. Things not to do. 'Nuf said.
Humility: Humility, Not Arrogrance
If You Had Controlling Parents
Improvisation and Family Conflict
Infidelity and Deception
Influence: How To Influence Your Husband
Influence: How To Speak So Men Will Listen
Influence: My Partner Won't Change
Influence: When Your Spouse Resists Change
Insecurity: Can a Man Love a Woman Too Much?
Intergenerational Blending in the Bible
Intergenerational Blending in the Church
Interview Your Teenager
Jealousy: Yours and Others
John Grisham Sanctified (free)
This humor article first appeared in the DOOR, July/August 1999.
Joining the Generations (free)
Article from Discipleship Journal, Issue 118, 2000.
Jury Duty
Knowing God: The Miracle Cure for Emotional and Relational Conflicts
Labeling: Overcome Negative Labling in Marriage
Liars: If You Think You're Being Lied To
Liars: Liars and Posers and Frauds, Oh My!
Liars: Tricks Liars Use to Manipulate Their Accusers
Liars: Two Kinds Of Lies
Liars: When Loved One Lies
Life Without Rules
Living with Chronic Pain and Suffering
Making the Incredible Credible (free)
The gospel becomes good news to others when they see it in our daily lives. Article from The Chrisitan Leader (Mennonite Brethren), September 25, 1990.
Managing Obsessive Fearful Thoughts
Marriage Maintainance (free)
Erik's Article from Focus on the Family from June/July 2009.
Measuring Forgiveness
Measuring Parent/Teen Harmony
My Personal Dreams and Goals List
Needs: 52 Needs in Marriage
Needs: Are You Married to an Imperfect Man?
Needs: Drought time: Help From Proverbs For The Emotionally Parched Woman (free)
Wives have taught me what they do that works when their emotional needs are unfulfilled. They've also taught me what DOESN'T work. A summary list of the 41 strategies they've taught me. (See Drought Time the book for elaboration).
Needs: Four Options for the Uncherished Wife
Needs: Kindness in Marriage
Needs: The Pleasing Mandate in Marriage
Needs: Unmet Needs in Marriage
Needs: Ways a Husband Shows Love
Needs: Ways a Wife Shows Love
Normalizing Emotions of the Hurt Spouse
Normalizing Emotions of the Offending Spouse
Overlooking Offenses
Panic: Control and Prevent
Parent Anger
Parent Teen Negotiation Worksheet
Parenting Without Boundaries
Parents and Discipline
Parents In-law
Parents Who Rescue Their Teens
Parents Win Back Your Teens Heart
Parents: Stay Calm
People: Addiction to a Person
People: Breaking Unhealthy Soul Ties
Perfectionism: St. Paul's Cure
Proverbs Pattern for Provoked People
Provocateurs: Drama Kings and Queens
Psychology in Proverbs
Purity Covenant for Dating Couples (free)
One page. Despite statistics that would suggest otherwise, there are couples who want to wait until marriage for sex. Here's a free tool to clarify and cling to those expectations.
Reduce Defensiveness in a Conflict
Reduce Marital Anger
Reduce Presumption in a Conflict
Reduce Shoulds in a Conflict
Regaining Spousal Trust
Regret: St. Paul's Cure
Resiliency: Resiliency Quiz
Respond to a Teen's Walled Off Heart
Respond to Angry Teens
Respond to Apathetic Teens
Respond to Attachment Disordered Teens
Respond to Cutting Teens
Respond to Defiant Teens
Respond to Drug Using Teens
Respond to Irritating Teens
Respond to Malicious Teens
Respond to Resistant Teens
Respond to Silent Teens
Respond to Teens With Negative Attitude
Respond to Withdrawing Teens
Rethinking Our Trials
Revivial at the Box Office (free)
In the '80s and '90s Erik was one of the anonymous contributors to the Christianity Today humor column Eutychus. This humor piece appeared in December 13, 1993.
Roles: A Husband's Job Description from God
Roles: Gender Roles in Marriage
Rules of Communication
Sapiential (Wisdom) Therapy
Self Doubt
Separate Spousal Living Arrangements: Yes, No, Maybe?
Separating from Unhealthy Family Control
Sex: Changing Unwanted Same Sex Attraction (SSA)
Sex: Controlling Compulsive Sexual Behavior
Sex: Female Sexual Response
Sex: Male Sexual Response
Sex: Mismatched Sexual Desires
Sex: Sanctification Coaching
Sex: Sexual Difficulites in Marriage
Sex: Sexual Intimacy, Some Things to Consider
Sex: Sexual Relations in Marriage
Shame: How Shame Affects Us
Shame: The Bible on Shame
Shame: What is it? How to overcome it?
Shapin' Lives at Kuzin's Camp (free article)
How to host a mini retreat for your grandchildren. Article from Focus on the Family, March 1999.
Should We Stay Married After an Affair?
Sibling Conflict Worksheet
Six Conflict Reduction Tips
Six Social Emotions
Speaking Without a Doubt (free)
How much certainty do people need? How much can you give? Article for pastors from Leadership Journal, Winter, 1994.
Stepping Over the Gap (free)
How three churches are doing trans-generational ministry, article from Leadership Journal, Spring, 1999.
Stop Obsessing About a Partner's Infidelity (free)
One page, brief list of how to stop obsessing over your partner's infidelity. Add to your shopping cart for no extra charge.
Stuff: A Christian View
Stuff: Overcome Hoarding
Teaching Teens the Power of Blessing (free)
How to take the ingredients of the "blessing" (Smalley and Trent) and apply them to youth ministry. Article from Youth Ministries Magazine, March/April 1996.
Teen Appreciation Worksheet
Teen Parenting Pointers
Teens and Rebellion
Teens: Do Not Be Simple (naive, foolish)
Temptation: Battling Temptation from Proverbs 2
Temptation: Extra Help Battling Temptation
Temptation: Overcome Temptation the Proverbs Way
Temptation: Resist The Wooing of a Fool
Temptation: Resisting The Gang of Tempters in Our Head
Temptation: Why Do I Behave Badly?
Ten Conflict Management Strategies for Associate Pastors (free)
Article from Enrichment Journal, Fall 2003.
The Anger Sequence
The Confronter's Bible (free)
In the '80s and '90s Erik was one of the anonymous contributors to the Christianity Today column Eutychus. This humor piece appeared in ovember 22, 1985.
The Effect of Fear on the Body
The Fear Sequence
The Jurassic Church Comes of Age (free)
In the '80s and '90s Erik was one of the anonymous contributors to the Christianity Today humor column Eutychus. This piece appeared in October 4, 1993.
Thinking About Doctrinal Unity (Free)
Three articles from The Christian Leader (Mennonite Brethren Magazine): Diversity, Anxiety or Joy?, Seeking a Way Together, Living With the Tensions. September-October, 1992.
Thoughts Behind Indulgent Parenting
Thoughts Influence Anger
Three Ways to Stay Calm
Time Crunch (free)
Article from Focus on the Family, August, 2007.
To a Mother of a Teenage Girl (free)
One page. A mother wrote me a letter about her daughter and here's my response. Hope it'll be helpful to parents of teenage girls.
Trauma and Anger
Trauma Recovery
Trust: Exercise Our Trust Muscles
Trust: Rebuild Trust the Proverbs Way
Turn Anger to Forgiveness
Types of Hearts
Types of Indulgent Parents
Validation: End Reactivity, Blaming, Defensiveness
What Are Marriage Vows and Licenses For?
When Loved Ones Wander
Why Did You Cheat?
Why Do Others Misbehave?
Why It's Hard To Calm Down When Emotionally Supercharged
Why Not Take the Kids to Church This Sunday? (free)
Article from Bellingham newspaper called Moms, Dads, and Kids from December, 1993.
Why Others Pull Away From Us
Why Saying No to Teens is Hard
Why We Return to the Familiar
Why We're Reluctant to Evaluate our Parents
Wickedness in Proverbs
Wooing The Hard To Woo
Work: Avoid the Workaholism Trap
Work: If You Hate Your Job
Working Through Offenses